Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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