I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
