Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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