then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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