this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
