Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
