Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
