Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
