every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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