The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
