i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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