Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
