she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
