i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
