did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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