It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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