After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
