Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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