from now on my penis is your penis
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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