ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
