She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
