She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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