i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
