i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
