I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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