Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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