Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
