Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
