And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
