It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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