Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
