Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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