i don't like sucking hair
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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