yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
