I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
