tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
