He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
