My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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