i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
