Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
