Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
