So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
