It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
