Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize