I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
