all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
