Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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