Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
