I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
These tits shall not be calmed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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