I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
