Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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