I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
