She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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