nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
