Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize