you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think people are normalizing furries
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
