I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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