sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
