He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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