Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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