We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize