If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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