I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am one with the molecules
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
