You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
