His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish they made helmets for livers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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