I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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