i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
