I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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