Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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