your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
