My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
