hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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