i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
