apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize