You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
