The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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