Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
