soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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