I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
