Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
